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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been often blindsided by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of her friends disappeared during that time, because they seemed only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, and must have realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several of her friends have drifted apart without her being sure why. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, both of us retired leading to more time together, yet I realize my position between us is as the audience. I open discussion points but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to propose factchecking or other angles.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I know well on several occasions even called home previously. My intention was to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She essentially just desired my agreement with her plans. I have come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing how things go in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute here. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting how you are both going to change the interaction in your relationship."

Consider that she also has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful in fostering better communication.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they're unable to abandon since their identity relies on it and it represents familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. But she may at first react this way before reflecting on your words. And should you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have closure knowing you were truthful.