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This period signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely benign quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {